Tooting Bec 'A' rode the football rollercoaster to a 3-2 win in their first home game of the season.

Chessington KC 'A' were the first visitors to the Badgers' Sett in 2016/17 - the enormous astro at Tooting and Mitcham FC. They faced a Bec side brimming with experience and subs for every position. The Badgers welcomed back Ully from bronzing his bald head in Ibiza; Steve Allingham from a fake ankle injury; Rich Whiteford from an actual broken leg; and Joe Haynes from a broken ankle, donning the gloves. Even The Chase took a break from being an ITV quiz show and started on the right wing.

All arrived in peak condition, having religiously followed manager Joe Spencer's pre-match dietary guidance. Your correspondent, for one, benefited from the potassium content and quick-release energy of six pints and a burger dipped in gravy, served with extra gravy.

Again, Tooting took the lead. The Chessington defence had clearly watched Claudio Bravo's horrorshow debut for City with admiration as they got caught passing across the back, again and again. It took a while to cost them. Jake drove wide. Spencer ran 75 yards down the left only to do himself with a stepover and shoot into the side netting. Ash took an almighty swing at one and missed by such a margin the ball almost looked back at him in disgust.

But it didn't take long before he'd made amends, stroking the ball into the net like that geography teacher used to stroke your leg. You should have reported it at the time. It's no good jumping on the Jimmy Saville bandwagon now.

As the half went on, Chessington came back into the game and won a penalty. The ball was blasted at Luigi from close range and his evasive action was judged to be handball by the referee. Haynes was sent the wrong way and the tie was level at half time. Bec should have been ahead.

Spencer rang the changes at the break, introducing Rafa, Les and Chairman Wells. Chessington soon took the lead against the run of play and left the Bec with everything to do. Their right winger had tried Ronaldinho's 'snake' more times than a Milan hooker and mostly to no avail. But on this occasion he got to the byline and delivered a pacy cross for his team-mate to power home.

Last season's Badgers might not have recovered. But the class of '16/17 are made of stronger stuff: mostly glue, fat and the occasional metal pin from broken bones past. They put Chessington under more pressure than that time the Penguins of Madagascar escaped and got into the Temple of Mayhem - and it paid off as a goalmouth melee saw the ball finally make it in off the back of Luigi's head. The game was level and the punters were queuing up for the last ride of the day.

It didn't disappoint. With just over ten minutes to go, another Bec attack saw Stevie felled on the line as he was about to finish.

Ash put the ball on the spot. He tried to clear his mind of all thoughts.
"What's for tea?"
"Will Rhianna take an edgier direction for her next album as Beyoncé did with Lemonade?"
"Why does my brother look exactly like Hal Robson-Kanu?"
Somewhere on the sidelines one of the reserves broke wind. Ash stepped up and hit it... into the bottom corner for 3-2 and the lead!

All the Bec had to do was hold on - and they did for three points, joint top of the league and 11 goals scored in three matches. The future was bright. The future was Badgers.